I will never leave you.

Last night, I experienced an incredible healing in my heart.

I have debated even writing about this because I am not sure my oh-so-human heart could do this experience justice, but I have an inkling that this could resonate with some of you, and therefore, my feeble attempts will be most certainly be magnified by God’s glory on the situation.

The Lord has recently given me some insight into how I can be certain that I have entered into His presence during worship. I don’t know about you, but I have always struggled with worship because of the fear of man. I am often distracted by how others are worshipping around me or I feel as though I need to act a certain way to fit in with the crowd, preventing me from fully worshipping for the Lord. However, over the past few months, the Lord has sweetly given my skeptical heart a “sure sign” that I am in His presence and worshipping only for Him.

I feel light.

Not like the visible kind of light, but I actually feel lightweight. I feel like I am on a cloud. My hands and arms feel free. My feet feel light and no longer heavy from the burdens of the day. My heart and my chest are released from all tension and burdens and worry. I feel like all of the chains that bind me to the daily grind, to the exhaustion and monotony of life are broken. And best of all, I feel absolutely NO PAIN.

We all have little aches and pains here and there that remind us that we are human and that our flesh may certainly fail. I have always experienced more physical pain than I think is normal. The best way I can describe it to people is that I feel like my nervous system is “overactive” and therefore, I will feel physical pain all day everyday. I have grown to get used to it, I suppose because most of the time I don’t notice it anymore. However, I do notice it when I am in a true state of worship, basking in the tangible presence of Jesus because my pain is gone. Completely gone. There is perfect peace, perfect joy, perfect health, and perfect wholeness. I feel as if I could quite literally float away on a cloud. Crazy I know, but real as it ever was.

Isn’t that true about our lives though? We go through life picking up little bits of pain throughout the days. Maybe physical pain from illness or injury. Maybe emotional pain from words that stabbed too deeply into the depths of our hearts and gradually took root. Maybe spiritual pain from an unanswered prayer or unwelcome doubts. But we get SO USED to the pain that we don’t even realize we are in chains. We don’t even realize that we are in slavery. It isn’t until we experience true freedom that we ever really realize  how “unfree” we really were.

I can tell you with the utmost honesty that I have never felt more freedom than I do today, this morning, after my encounter with Jesus last night.

I truly believe I have been healed from my past hurts. Jesus did a major open heart surgery on me last night and gave me a brand new heart…free of scars. And I can feel my heart beating differently now. The blood flowing more freely. I am operating in a new sense of wonder and excitement for life I have never experience before. The best part is? Jesus wants this for all of you too.

You see, last night at church we were all posed a challenging question. What are you holding back from the Lord? Have you really given Him ALL of you? Or just 95 percent of you?

There is a story in Mark Chapter 10 known as the “Rich Young Ruler.”

This man comes to Jesus and FALLS on his knees before Him. He pleads with Jesus, verse 17 “Good Teacher, What shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

And Jesus responds that the young ruler must keep the commandments. The Young Ruler replies that He has kept all of the commandments, “since his youth.” And Jesus lovingly replies, verse 21 “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

You know what is sad, my friends? This is the only encounter of an individual who falls before Jesus in the bible, desiring what Jesus has to offer, ENCOUNTERING Jesus, that walks away UNCHANGED.

The Rich Young Ruler decides in that moment that he cannot give Jesus ALL HE HAS. He decides the price it too high, and he simply won’t pay.

You see, we all are like this man in some way. We all have something we are holding back from the Lord. In an effort to control our lives, we just cannot seem to give Jesus ALL of us.

Last night, after this message, Jesus lovingly and intimately revealed to me a lie I had been believing for far too long. He revealed to me that I had been HOLDING on to my past hurts, simply refusing to let Him do a healing work in me. The thing is, I had NO idea I was struggling with this. But the amazing thing is that Jesus-He knows our the depths of our hearts more than we even know ourselves.

So there I was in worship, when the sentence, “People always leave” came into my head. I immediately knew it was the Lord and I began to cry tears of pure joy because in that very same moment of conviction, I actually could physically feel the healing going on in my heart. Jesus physically took my broken and scarred heart from years of people up and walking out of my life and replaced it with a brand new heart all the while whispering, “I will have never and will never leave you, my dear one.”

Thats the Jesus we serve people.

He reaches in to the DEPTHS of our heart. The areas we have blocked off completely. The areas where the blood flow of life has been completely restricted. The areas we don’t even realize are sick and hurting and dying. And with His FURIOUS and warrior love for us, He removes the debris and tears through the scars all the while yelling, “NO LONGER. ENOUGH. NO MORE CHAINS. I DIED SO THIS WOULDN’T BE YOUR LIFE.”

Sweet, sweet Jesus.

Friends, He did this for me last night. He physically healed my heart and as a direct result, I am dancing for Him this morning. I am free and wild and I want this for you too.

I challenge you to ask Jesus to come into the depths today and rip out the dead parts of your heart and replace them with brand new flesh.

He is faithful.

Your true name is FREEDOM, dear sister.

Let Him show you. Let Him rename you.

In Christ,

Amanda Marie


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