But Lord… I’m Not Ready
How many times have I said this phrase. How many times have I whispered it in the depth of my heart or exclaimed it anxiously to a friend over coffee…”I’m not ready.”
There always seems to be something coming up in my life that I am not “ready” for. I was not “ready” to graduate college one year ago. I was terrified actually. I was so scared of the unknown, and if you would have asked me one year ago if I wanted to just stay in college and do it all over again, I would have answered “yes” without even a second guess.
I wasn’t “ready” to move back home. I wanted to stay forever in the little red brick house on fifteenth street with all of my best friends under one roof. I wasn’t ready for the loneliness. I wasn’t ready for the solitude. I just. wasn’t. ready.
I wasn’t “ready” to start applying to nursing schools. I wasn’t “ready” to start a new really difficult job, and I certainly wasn’t “ready” to go back to school for nursing school prerequisites. I wasn’t “ready” to get my Certified Nursing Assistant Licensure. I wanted more time off from school. I didn’t necessarily want to stay up all night working twelve hour shifts at my new job. I wanted more time. I wasn’t ready.
And I certainly told the Lord I wasn’t ready so many times. I would tell myself that maybe i just needed to pray about it a little longer. But how many times did “praying about it” actually mean delaying what I already knew God was calling me to.
You see, as twenty-something young women, there are so many things we don’t feel “ready” for.
We don’t feel ready to live alone and finally be independent from our parents.
We don’t feel ready to have our first real job.
We don’t feel ready to get married, and we certainly don’t feel ready to have kids.
And maybe some of those things are true.
However, if there is one thing I have undoubtedly learned during this season of my life is that “ready” is not a real place. It is a figment of our imaginations. It is that magical destination that we all somehow think we will get to one day, but we can’t seem to ever get there.
We tell ourselves we will be ready when we have more money.
Or maybe, we will be ready when we lose twenty pounds.
Maybe if we just get “our act together” we will be ready to really start living.
But then we earn the money, we lose the weight, we get all of our ducks in a row, and we still.aren’t.ready.
You know what I think?
I think we, as women of God, have big fat target on our backs that the enemy wants to attack and conquer. I think one of his biggest ploys to keep us from the destiny God has for us, is by whispering in our ears, “Oh, you certainly aren’t ready for that.”
And friend, I believed this lie for SO long.
Lately, I have been feeling so called by the Lord to expand SHE IS CAPTIVATING and really start pursuing it with my entire heart. To start praying and believing for and contending for God to move BIG in people’s lives. I wanted it to be a place where women could come and know their worth. A place where they could come and breathe deep and know they weren’t alone.
But a few months ago, when the Lord began to expand and bless and grow SHE IS CAPTIVATING, I had a complete melt down.
I was paralyzed.
I remember one night I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I said, “ I just feel so inadequate.”
You see, the enemy had been placing nasty lies in my head that I was a fake. He was making me question my intentions. He was telling me that I would never amount to anything and that SHE IS CAPTIVATING would be “just another Christian blog.”
“YOU AREN’T READY FOR THIS”
He instilled a fear in my heart that stopped me dead in my tracks. It began to take over my thoughts.
As a result, I distanced myself from the Lord, and al of my relationships suffered because of it. I suffered in silence for about two months. In those two months, I didn’t post a single blog…
Looking back on that time, it makes me angry. Isn’t that just like the enemy? To paralyze us with fear of our own inadequacies so that the Lord’s plan for our lives can never fully be realized?
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I actually realized it had been the enemy all along. It was through a conversation I had with my sister and two dear friends, Sarah and Lauren that I realized he had succeeded in deceiving me. The author of lies and King of Deceit had succeeded in making me believe I was not ready or adequate enough to live out the calling of the Lord on my life.
And over the next few weeks the Lord sweetly and gently broke those chains. He revealed to me that if I decided to live a life following Him, I will NEVER “feel” ready for anything He calls me to. I was going to have to trust Him and ABIDE in Him in order for anything to fully happen in my life.
On my own, I am nothing.
With Him, I am EVERYTHING.
He has ALREADY given me everything I could ever need because I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me.
I have all the POWER. I have all the STRENGTH. I have all the wisdom and giftings freely accessible to me at any time through the Spirit. I can call on Him in my time of need and greatest inadequacies and be totally and completely provided for.
Ephesians 1:3 reads, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.”
Key words: HAS BLESSED US.
That means He has already done it. We ALREADY have every blessing in the Spirit that we could ever want.
And I wonder how much of the “reservoir” or giftings goes untapped in so many of our lives?
You see, captivating ladies, The Lord never calls the qualified. He QUALIFIES the called. If the Lord is calling you to something right now in your life, whether it be a new relationship, marriage, a new job, or a scary big, God-sized dream, do me a favor and don’t let the enemy steal from it.
Stand tall and mighty like the daughter of the KING you are and tap into the endless resources He has already provided you with.
ABIDE in HIM, grow your ROOTS deep in Him, and you will never be inadequate again.
2 Corinthians 12:9 reads, “ “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Yes, I am weak. Yes, alone I may be inadequate.
But with Him, I am EVERYTHING strength, I am EVERYTHING beauty, I am SUFFICIENT AND ENOUGH.
You are too, sweet sister.
Believe it. Live it.
But Lord… I’m Not Ready