I remember it distinctly. Vividly.
The pain after yet another heartbreak. The sting of rejection. The kind of tears where you can’t help but to ball up in your bed and silently scream because the pain is just too much to bear. The pain is just too real.
And I remember crying out to the Lord, literally crying out and asking over and over again, “Why, why?”
I remember the days and weeks following, spending more time praying than I did breathing. It felt like a day accomplished just to make it through a few hours without crying in the bathroom at work.
You know, dear friend...we’ve all been there.
And I distinctly remember the night where I felt the sweetest surrender. Entire peace. The night the Lord posed a difficult question to my aching heart.
“Do you trust that I am good enough to bring you the RIGHT man?”
The answer was no. “No, Lord. I trust that you are good in every situation except this one. I WANT to trust you with this, but I can’t right now. Show me how to trust you. Show me how to surrender. I am begging you to give me peace.”
And I remember weeks passing. Winter fading away and the newness of Spring popping up all around. I felt a revival in my heart in those weeks. Day after day, I would be amazed at how CONTENT I felt. The pain was slowly fading away. It was like with each passing day the Lord gently and graciously added another stitch to the gaping wound in my heart.
And that is just what He does. When we take our wounds and lay them before the Lord in surrender. When we ASK Him to reveal His character to us. He HEALS us. He REDEEMS us.
Back in April 2015, I wrote a blog post titled “Worth the Wait.” It was a post that came out of the deep pain and wrestle match that I had been through with the Lord just prior to that. I wrestled HARD to fully surrender to Him. I wanted SO badly to meet “the one.” I wanted so badly to finally be loved the way I deserved to be loved. I wrestled with the Lord, and eventually He won. Shortly after, I wrote these words:
“I believe and know to be true that the Lord places desires on our hearts intentionally and purposefully. Our desires point us back to Him because we know that only He can fulfill them. In His perfect timing. When He sees fit.”
When he sees fit. This meant surrendering to WHENEVER the Lord would bring me the right one.
I also wrote:
“So ask yourself this. Do you want who you want when you want them? Or do you want who God wants you to have when He wants you to have them? If you choose the second option, it may mean a season of waiting. It may mean a season of feeling lonely and watching your best friends fall in love and wondering when your time will come. It may even mean seasons of doubting if trusting in the Lord really is the way to go.But if you chose the second option, despite all of those things-there is hope of a coming season when you will taste and see that He is good. That He is faithful. That He will provide. That trusting in Him yields the greatest rewards. & THAT is something that is so worth the wait.”
I wrote these words genuinely, from a heart who had just learned what it meant to completely SURRENDER. A heart that had been dramatically healed. Dramatically changed. A new creation. I was hopeful, but I was truly surrendered for the first time. I had no idea when MY season would come. I just knew that God knew, and that was quite enough.
I really had no idea, though.
I had no idea that just a few months later, in late July of 2015, that my season WOULD come. Unexpectedly. Out of the clear blue. I had no idea that I would wake up on the morning of July 19th, 2015 and meet the most amazing, unique, and beautiful soul I have yet to meet.
Quite ironically, I started a new journal the night of July 18th, 2015. I sat up in bed that night fervently praying and writing. “I feel like there is something missing, Lord. I feel so close to you. I am fulfilled in you. But there is something missing, like I want to go DEEPER, but I can’t seem to figure out how.”
Oh but God. God knew how.
He divinely orchestrated our meeting. He planted seeds long ago in our hearts. He molded and sculpted and PAINFULLY, we were made fit to finally meet each other. Through surrender. Through grace.
He brought me a good man. A really, really good man.
A man that LOVES me so well because He LOVES the Lord completely.
A man that leads me to Jesus DAILY. Who challenges me and makes me laugh and makes me cry (the good tears.) A man that CALLS me on in life. That listens and encourages me and is so, so patient with me.
A man that takes me DEEPER each and every day.
And God gave me a LOVE. A love that is so deep and so wide, I sometimes can hardly breathe when I think about it. A love with so many dimensions. A love centered on the LOVE of the Father. Grounded and rooted in CHRIST. Safe and secure in the FAVOR of the Lord.
The kind of love that pushes and pulls. That has BROKEN down walls, crushed strong holds. A love that God has built…piece by piece…little by little. Like a fire that burns forever, He has intricately taken each piece of kindling and placed it in the perfect spot.
Yes, this fire will burn. Endlessly.
The kind of love has quite literally brought my to my knees in prayer on multiple occasions.
The kind of love that is humble enough to wrap me in his arms in the parking lot of Golden Corral and pray over me. Speak life over me. Speak kind and loving words over me in a moment when I was least deserving.
THAT KIND OF LOVE.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
Yes, the Lord has given me so much more than I could ever ask for or imagine. THAT is just His character. He is GOOD Father.
SO, dear heart. If you are in the season of waiting, TAKE HEART! He is GOOD. He is faithful. All He is looking for is a heart willing to fully surrender.
Don’t settle. Just wait and trust and believe. Because there will come a season where you will TASTE AND SEE His goodness.
Take it from someone who knows 🙂